Technological Baggage in a Breakup

  • Revoking your ex’s digital key to your place
  • Deleting your ex’s phone from your car’s Bluetooth directory
  • Still following your ex on Spotify and seeing the moment he is in his feels in Friend Activity (“Sleep Apnea” on repeat, I know you see me)
  • Having to unfollow your ex because you are driving yourself mad constantly checking Spotify and toggling the “Show Friend Activity” button in your account settings
  • Unfriending your ex on Facebook so that you don’t repeatedly pop open the chat sidebar to see if he’s online
  • Asking the Messenger group chat owner to remove your ex
  • Figuring out if it’s possible to restrict Google Sheets by email (it’s more trouble than it’s worth)
  • Deleting your ex’s column and any remnants of him out of the Sheet
  • Copying the old Sheet and asking your friends to use the new Sheet, which inadvertently ousts your fresh singledom
  • Opening Instagram stories more than usual to view if your ex’s friends posted a story with him in it
  • Checking who viewed your Snapchat (yes, I still use Snapchat, sue me) story with increased frequency
  • Speculating that your ex misses you (rightfully so!) when he is one of the first viewers of your story
  • Wondering if your ex deleted you as a friend on Snapchat since he never views your stories anymore
  • Scrolling furiously through your ex’s Venmo friends to find the new addition, since of course you know how many friends he had when you broke it off
  • Wishing your ex’s Venmo transactions weren’t private so you didn’t have to go through this rigmarole
  • Removing yourself from your ex’s best friend’s Amazon Prime account
  • Knowing your ex’s best friend and you follow each other on Twitter so he is probably gonna see this
  • Starting to see the Google Photos Memories trickle in from the past year
  • Deliberating whether it’s too cruel to remove your ex from your shared album…you ultimately don’t do this
  • Seeing the suggested videos from the YouTube channels you used to watch together; you watch them alone
  • Hearing that the Netflix series you and your ex started your relationship with and a movie sequel you two were anticipating released — also watching these alone, sigh
  • Logging into LinkedIn to see that your ex changed his tagline and if the green dot is present by his name (it never is, much to your feigned surprise)
  • Removing your ex from the Airbnb booking of an upcoming trip
  • Checking your ex’s Reddit account history
  • Going to your ex’s photography website for new posts
  • Updating your friends’ online wedding RSVPs to indicate that you will not be bringing a guest
  • Realizing that he also purged you from all technology in an attempt to do the best “Eternal Sunshine” of you as well
  • *Bonus if I wasn’t a green texter* Removing your ex from tracking your loc but still constantly checking his. Or leaving location tracking on so he sees how much you’re getting out and living life.

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More of a rants and raves than a tedium report.

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